


Point of no return

by brainonfire



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Clintasha - Freeform, Death, F/M, Hurt, I have NO idea which tag I should use, Loki - Freeform, Murder, The Avengers (2012) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 13:56:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18412031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brainonfire/pseuds/brainonfire
Summary: Oh boy.That was...hard to write and even harder to read.Well...a big THANKS go's to my clintasherson OG girls around the world - without you guys I definitely wouldn't have written anything today. I hope it will hurt you like hell but that you still enjoy it. ♥Much of love.N.xx





	Point of no return

It was a disgusting, strange and almost even painful feeling when someone strange was digging around in your head and steering you. But at the same time you weren't fully conscious. It was as if you stood behind a veil and had to watch and also feel when you killed someone.  
It was an easy one for Loki to enter his head. He had made him kill good agents and attack the woman he had loved for years. To be exact the first woman he ever loved. 

When Clint slowly became master of himself again, he lay in one of the rooms on the infirmary and was tied to a bed. He was cold and hot at the same time, his brain was trying to process what it had been going through and seeing that he had blood on his hands and clothes made nothing better or even easier to cope with. Everything turned and nothing seemed to make sense. Whose blood to hell was that with which he had sullied himself? Whom had he so brutally taken his life from? Clint had been a part of Shield for a long time and he had killed many times but whenever he did he did it with one of his arrows and never with his hand. He was very good at close combat but he didn't like it very much. Clint preferred to stay at a distance and also preferred to kill from the same distance.  
He was so busy trying to free himself from the cuffs, that he only noticed that somebody was standing in the room when that somebody addressed him.

"Agent Barton. Welcome back. It's good to see you're yourself again."  
Comander Maria Hill was standing in the middle of the room, the door behind her had closed and she seemed exhausted. Blood was stuck on her face and there were some slurs on it.  
To ask what had happened seemed unnecessary and stupid to Clint. He knew what had happened. At least up to a certain point. But he didn't know how many agents he had really killed.  
Nevertheless he first asked the question that seemed most logical to his damaged brain. "Where's Loki?"  
"He was able to escape but the search for him is in full swing."  
Not exactly satisfying but at least they were looking for him - so there were still agents. He hadn't slaughtered them all. 

When he just wanted to ask her to free him from the handcuffs so that he could sit up properly she was already doing exactly that. "How many dead and how many injured?"  
The numbers Maria told him were dizzying and for a moment Clint got so nauseous that he felt like he had to vomit. He had killed all those men and women. Their blood was on his hands.  
"Fury and Natasha?"  
"Fury is fine. He wasn't seriously hurt."  
Clint frowned. That was not the answer to his question. At least not the whole one. "And Natasha?  
The following silence hung heavily in the air and pressed on his chest. Suddenly he found breathing difficult. No. That could not be.  
"Comander? What about Natasha?  
When Maria didn't react again but continued to struggle with the cuff of his hand Clint grabbed one of hers with his free hand. "Maria. What about Natasha? Where is she?  
"She...was injured," Maria finally said, shaking Clint's world. "She didn't make it Clint. I'm sorry."

With an unbelievable power everything collapsed over him. Pictures that were strange to him and yet so familiar ran in front of his inner eye and destroyed everything in him. Pictures of a fight with Nat. An unfair, dirty fight. Bloody, merciless and murderous. As if remotely controlled, his hands lay around Natasha's delicate neck and squeezed. His grip around her neck was strong, the hate in him devoured everything and every cell of his body was tense to burst. Natasha tried to free herself, fought against his grip and him, but she had no chance. He sat on her, pressed her body to the floor, and when she didn't stop fighting back, took her head between his heads and hit it against the grid floor.

One.  
Two.  
Three.

When he hit her head for the third time, she became very motionless and he could see her life disappearing from her eyes as a tear rolled down her pale cheek. The red hair became even reder by the blood it was soaked with, his hands were covered by the same and as he dropped her head to the ground one last time Clint could hear her blood collecting to a larch on the floor below.

Clint knew that this time it was not Natasha he had buried under himself on the ground but Maria. He knew that he wasn't choking the woman he loved but another one just as he knew that he was no longer under Loki's spell. He could have stopped when the agents rushed into the room but he did not.  
Even then not when they pointed their weapons at him.  
Everything it was worth living for was no longer there, so what for to go on?  
How to go on at all?  
How could he go on knowing that he had killed the love of his life? With his bare hands.  
The archer knew that if he would ignore the Agents' requests once more and continue choking Maria then they would shoot at him. He knew and he didn't care.  
A man who had nothing more to lose was unpredictable and he preferred to die rather than become something he had been fighting for years.

The loud bang of a firing weapon echoed from the bare walls of the room and a burning pain struck first at his shoulder and then at his chest, throwing him back, freeing Maria from his grip.  
Instead of the expected pain, the fear, there was only a feeling of freedom and satisfaction. 

Life had given them no chance to be together but death did.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy.  
> That was...hard to write and even harder to read.  
> Well...a big THANKS go's to my clintasherson OG girls around the world - without you guys I definitely wouldn't have written anything today. I hope it will hurt you like hell but that you still enjoy it. ♥
> 
> Much of love.  
> N.  
> xx


End file.
